Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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