Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
