i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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