Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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