I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need a beard to bite.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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