so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
