She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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