Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
