I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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