I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
