so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
