seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
