Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Shame - the story of my life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
