The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
