i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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