He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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