There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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