you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
