1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
