I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
