I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
