So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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