Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
