I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
