i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
