I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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