The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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