i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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