White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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