Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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