Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
honey bunches of taint.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
