He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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