I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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