im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
