It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
