I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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