So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
