Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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