Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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