I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
