I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
