Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You need Xanax blowdarts
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I would fuck him just for his dog
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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