I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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