i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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