If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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