I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
