I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also, beer. Big fan.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
