Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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