I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
