look no pants
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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