I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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