when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
