I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
