If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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