Welp...herpes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
