Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
