Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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