Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
