the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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