our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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