Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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