My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
