epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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