The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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