What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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