Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
