So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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