You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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