I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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