the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
