I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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