I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
