Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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